Impulse 29: Resolving Relationship Conflicts - Healer - Claudia Leandra König

Lay down the rules for conversation, for example: be honest, say "everything", “I” statements, no accusations, be receptive to your partner and take them seriously, check: what exactly do you mean by that or what does “....” mean to you? Grant each other enough speaking time – people who are good at feeling need more time to think, as they have to feel through the issue in order to understand it. Those seeking harmony adapt themselves and get sick – it is better to say: “We have to leave it at that for now, I don't agree with you (and settle it later)”. Avoid killer phrases like “always, everybody, all of them/us”, for they will kill themselves at the end of the day as they don't apply most of the time. Example: “It's always your fault.” Counter: “Really always?” Change terms: “fault” often appears to be accusing, it is better to ask: “what is the cause of it?” “Sin” has a strangling effect, it is better to use “mistake”. A life without mistakes is not possible. They are human and they show that growth is taking place.

Course of action: state the subject, has it been well understood, what are the lacks, what is the goal – are there subgoals and who is responsible for what to achieve them, which consequences are there, set boundaries, identify worst case, contemplate the problem from afar, does everybody agree to the solution or does anybody need anything more?

In case of a total halt of communication: If you cannot talk to each other any more, write letters. Get out of each other's way. Enjoy the common grounds and arrange for a break for those things that separate you and do not take them up during that time.

Get help from strangers. Family members and friends may be biased or overwhelmed, may have an advantage because of your problem or they may be blind as to the causes, because they only know you like this.

Conflicts arise, when lines are crossed. If you are furious and angry, you do not set boundaries and you do not defend what is important to you.

If you cannot say no, your yes is meaningless.

Is the work schedule harmonious and balanced? It may help to write it down.

Rather have a go at new things with an old partner then repeat old mistakes with a new one.

Rather end a relationship then prevent mutual growth.

Try to see the divinity in your partner.

If you have not received love in your past relationship or if you don't love yourself – no partner can close this gap. Only you can accept this – to love yourself and to be in the here and now.

To bring up fears of commitment and fears of loss openly will foster your understanding for each other.

Be grateful for the time you spent together.

To apologize for the pain caused to each other.

You have to let your guard down at times – allow weaknesses and feelings.

When you idolize previous partners, you give your present the feeling of being second choice.

You can exchange tenderness without painfully inducing in a quicky which is not beneficial or harmonizing.